I’m craving to delete my phone number, delete every single social media site that I’m on, delete anything and everything that has something to do with me. Buy my family and I tickets to somewhere far away, New York, Venice, Hawaii, anywhere away from here. Live in a totally different lifestyle, experience things I’ve never even heard of. I want to travel. I want to meet new people. Do things I love to do. Love myself. Nothing but good vibes around me.
And my mother thinks I hate her
because I am barely 17
and I think I have it all worked out
especially boys, and life
and “I only live once
so I will go and fuck him
on the riverbank
and believe it is romantic
because there are stars shining above my head”
when in reality
I don’t even know my own favourite colour
and I am scared to admit the music that makes me cry.
I may be 17
with wrists of steel and too much eyeliner
but I do know
that when I fall
or when something breaks
or when I’m crying in the gutter smoking my last cigarette
and I hate myself so much that I want to cry an ocean
the only person I want is her.
I want her skin, like soap and mothballs
and I want her warm breasts to sob into.
I want her stories
and her words
and her smell.
The most important relationship a girl ever will or won’t have is with her mum, and
goddamnit, you bitch
I love you so much.
in class i’m used to sitting in the back and making all these smartass comments under my breath
now i’m in the front though so when our attractive instructor drops something and says ‘ah, fuck me!’ and i say ‘maybe later’ he hEARS ME AND LAUGHS GODFUCKING FUCK
the saga continues today in physics when our instructor asks ‘and how fast does light travel?’ and i whisper ‘hella’ and the kid next to me fucking loses it